And then, in the process of having a photo shoot in my bathroom, I noticed this ducky sitting on the side of the tub. Oh, the story behind this ducky...It was either 2006 or 2007, I think. We weren't too far into our "trying" months. Alex had an overnight in New York City and I had the evening and next day off - and I was ovulating. So I hopped on a plane, went to NYC for a total of 12 hours, yada, yada, yada...bought this little ducky in the airport on the way home because I was "sure" that that would be the month we would get pregnant. Two, three years, $35,000 and an IVF and FET later, we have the baby that I was sure would have been conceived during that rendezvous in NYC. As I stood there, taking the pic while staring at my twin belly and seeing this ducky out of the corner of my eye, I was once again in disbelief. As much as you want to know, as much as you want to be in control, you really have no clue what life is going to hand you.
Feeling ok. More nesting. More being a mom. More work. More of the same. Yet, I find myself relishing in sameness as I realize that before I know it, things are going to be oh so very different.
I have to admit, there is nothing about this journey that went as I imagined, and I am still making it up every day
ReplyDeleteI remember my early-on-ideally-thinking-self. the one that imagined I would never do an IVF, that I would be ok either way success or failure earlier in the process. I have compassion for her now in a way I could not and did not then. You look awesome, big red bow and all. And about identity and the work/parenting balancing act, OY, let me know if you figure out the secret to that one. I am still struggling.