It's interesting how this birthday impacted me so much more than the last two. I found myself recalling the details of that day with much more detail this year...not only recalling the joy of her actually birth, but also all the logistics of my hospital stay. Oh, the magnesium sulfate. I hated that evil, evil drug. You know how they say you forget all the pain of the birth once you are holding your bundle of joy? I strongly disagree. Granted, I didn't labor and push her out, but I remember all the details, including the unpleasant ones. More accurately I would say that once I was holding my bundle of joy, I realized that it was ALL worth it...mag sulfate and all.
I had another appointment today, with an impromptu ultrasound. 14 weeks. Everything still looks great, I say with a tone of disbelief. Am I a nutcase to always expect that there is going to be something wrong? I still find myself bracing when I go to appointments. Ah, the scars of infertility and loss.
I had the doc look for parts. Nothing yet. Maybe at our 16 week ultrasound.
This was my last appointment with my ob. In two weeks I will officially be transferred to a high risk ob, which means all appointments will be at the hospital. Great for us as the hospital is only about a mile and a half away.
Other random details...weight is up about 6lbs and so is the blood pressure 130/88. My ob was reassuring that there is no need to worry quite yet about those numbers...that many twin pregnancies will have elevated numbers throughout without it ever turning into preeclampsia. I bought a few maternity shirts at the resale shop today in a size up...I'm pretty sure that I will be out of my current ones by the holidays.
Oh, and the best news is that it looks like the university will give me a non-teaching assignment for next semester which will allow me to work, yet not be on my feet. It will be a job that I could do from a bedrest situation (depending on circumstance). This is a huge load off my mind!
I'll post the latest ultrasound pics tomorrow. For now, I leave you with a few birthday pics of my Little Miss turning three. Oh babies, you have a lot of cuteness to compete with ;-).
I don't think there is ever a time we get "over" the whole loss and infertility rollercoaster-- even though my little one is right here, and 2! I still can't believe it and worry about my luck running out somehow.
ReplyDeleteI so get not being able to revel, so I will revel a bit on your behalf. Reveling here, revel revel revel. Hope your US yesterday was a good one.
Your little E is so friggin adorable, oh my my. TWO baby dolls, how smart.
warmly,
Kate
Guess what, I did 24 hours of mag sulfate and every single person I know in my personal life and everyone I "know" online warned me how awful it is (you included) and I swear, I was terrified. Yet other than feeling warm/feverish, I felt okay. I'm convinced that I expected it to be so terrible that, by comparison, it just wasn't so bad at all. I did feel a bit odd and had a nose bleed (and I never get those) but that was it. But your opinion of the experience is very much in keeping with what most people report.
ReplyDeleteI can totally understand why you're waiting for the other shoe to drop and you're right that a history of infertility struggles just sets you up for that. It's impossible to go back to the innocence that most twentysomething fertile's feel. I recorded my first elevated blood pressure reading of 154/85 at week 15 and it scared the hell out of me. Normally I am 110/75 so that was quite a bit different. I was referred to a high risk OB to consult on my case but all went fine. And though my blood pressure really did stay elevated throughout my pregnancy and I was admitted to L&D THREE times before my daughter's actual delivery day, it never sky-rocketed. At week 37 I went in for my last ultrasound and saw the high risk OB and when he saw my monster legs/feet and pitted edema and the protein in my urine, he said "you're having that baby today" and I did. :) Three days later my blood pressure shot up to 190/105 and I was re-admitted for pre-eclampsia, hence the mag sulfate. My numbers began to fall after 24 hours and I was then released. Ugh, brings back awful memories! Anyway...I'm actually trying to make you feel better (hee hee, not a great job of it!) by saying that your blood pressure may be elevated and never reach any emergency - and that's a damned good thing!
Emmeline is a beauty. She looks a bit like my own daughter. I can't believe she's 3 because I still remember your crazy beta numbers with her and telling you that I'd personally been following a couple of women who'd just experienced a similar situation that resulted in a healthy pregnancy and that I didn't think you were at all out of the game. And, obviously, you weren't. ;)
I love that you're blogging again and though I have no desire to repeat a pregnancy (triple GULP!), I love living vicariously through yours. :)))